you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
