Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
