just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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