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My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
