he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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