My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
