I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
