I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
