I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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