Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
