oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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