Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
