he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
