Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
