Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize