Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
