i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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