I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
