She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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