No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
