Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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