his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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