So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Still dying that you shit outside
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
