I am full of burrito and curiosity
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
