that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
