hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize