Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
