he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
