Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
