Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
