I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
