Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
