like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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