Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
They left me at home... I'm a liability
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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