Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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