What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
