I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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