My nipple is on Facebook.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
