mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
