so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
