Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How many fucks given?
0.12846
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
