Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
