just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
