shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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