Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
