dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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