Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
This is classic penis vs brain.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
