I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
