you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
