I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize