then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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