Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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