dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
