yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
