Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
