that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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