I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
