When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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