just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
COCAINE IS GR8
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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