why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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