So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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