16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
