I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
