I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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