so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
