please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
