I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
