I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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