his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
