would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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