All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
