im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
