please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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