I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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