U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize