you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
