dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
