i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
