Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
