i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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