so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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