thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
