i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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