U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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