I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I AM VODKA MAN
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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