A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Holy sore nipples Batman
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
