you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize