How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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