I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
where are you?
Hypothermia
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
