I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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