I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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