Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
