I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
