I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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