im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
