I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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