I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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