# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
