I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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