He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize