playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
