I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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