Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize