I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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