Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I would ride that face into the sunset
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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