break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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