That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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