Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
